What If I Am Crazy? A Conversation with Myself

Shortly after figuring out that I was depressed, I was lying in bed one night, trying desperately to go to sleep, when this conversation happened in my head.

Me: OH MY GOD WHAT IF I AM ACTUALLY CRAZY?

Observer Mind: Well, leaving aside the issue of the ableism in that concern, what would it mean for you if you were crazy?

Me: It means that I can’t trust my brain! I wouldn’t know if what I was experiencing was really an accurate reflection of reality!

Observer Mind: Hmm, I can see why that would be concerning. What would you have to do if you couldn’t trust your brain?

Me: I’d have to assume that my brain was presenting an untrustworthy account in every situation and triangulate reality by gathering additional evidence and investigating things from other perspectives!

Observer Mind: Don’t you give an entire talk on how everyone is blinded by the limitations of our own perspectives and how we have to gather information from many viewpoints different than are own in order to come to robust conclusions?

Me: … oh yeah, I guess I do.

Observer Mind: So, I think you’re saying that if you’re crazy, you’ll have to practice the kind of interrogative thinking that you loudly, publicly insist is the best practice for everyone?

Me: … yeah.

Observer Mind: That doesn’t seem so bad then.

Me: … I guess not.

Observer Mind: So maybe you should stop worrying about being crazy and go to sleep.

Me: … fine. But I’m going to be cranky about how reasonable you sound right now.

Advertisements
What If I Am Crazy? A Conversation with Myself