Dear Immune System,
I am good to you. Most nights, I get eight hours of sleep. I eat lots of fruits and vegetables. I get regular exercise, do yoga, and meditate. I take allergy medication daily so that you don’t freak out about the pollen. I don’t smoke and rarely drink to excess (okay, I’m sorry about the jell-o shots on Saturday, but that was the first time it’s happened in several months at least).
So I would like to know what the hold-up is with this virus. I have rarely moved from my bed in two days. I am running the humidifier to keep the air I provide to you warm and moist, and am drinking plenty of fluids. I have slept, and slept, and slept. When I got tired of sleeping, I slept some more. I have rinsed out my sinuses with saline. I have gargled with saline. I am not sure what else I can do to help you.
And I admit that there has been some improvement. The horrible pervasive aches of yesterday have gone away, and I appreciate that greatly. However, I have noticed that my previously pristine clear mucous is now terrible shades of yellow, indicating that this cold has turned into a secondary sinus and bronchial infection. This says to me that you are falling down on the job.
My boss, who already thinks I am useless, will be further convinced of my lack of utility if I am gone from the lab all week long. Further, I am supposed to have a dinner party with Jessie and Zack on Thursday, and it would be nice if I were healthy enough to do that. I have already broken this semester’s perfect attendance record to avoid spreading this little plague–I would prefer if no more sacrifices of that nature have to be made.
So please, get it together. I know you are capable of kicking this unwelcome visitor straight to the curb, so why not get on it?