List: Things I Have Considered Doing To Make The Allergy-Related Itching Stop

  • Holding a small live hedgehog on my tongue
  • Scratching at my face until I have removed both my nose and sinuses
  • Eating ice cream
  • Doing shots of whiskey
  • Taking Benadryl after Benadryl until sweet unconsciousness claims me
  • Shooting Zyrtec directly into my eyes
  • Rubbing the roof of my mouth with steel wool
  • Sand-blasting my face with salt, possibly administered by shot gun or cannon.
  • Eating enough Scotch Bonnet Peppers to destroy any remaining mucous membranes in my face, thereby rendering them incapable of torturing me
  • Relocating to the Mohave Desert
  • Getting SCUBA gear and wearing it all the time, oxygen tank included
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List: Things I Have Considered Doing To Make The Allergy-Related Itching Stop

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