Slow Descent Into Madness

We interrupt this travelogue to bring you a lot of me whining.

Today, I am unbelievably sick of being alive. I have actually considered whether it is possible for me to spend the next week in a drug-induced coma so that I don’t have to deal with the maddening grind of my imprisonment.

Alicia and Aaron are impossibly good to me, but the fact of the matter is that I went from moving a lot, and doing a lot, to being trapped in this flat with very little to do other than sit at my computer. Trapped at the top of an impossibly long and horrendous flight of concrete stairs. Trapped in my bower. Trapped by my stupid, aching ankle.

I would chew my own leg off like a fox in a trap if it would help anything. (Alicia points out that this would just make the problem permanent.) It would, at the very least, be a gesture of my despair.

I wish the pool were open. I wish the pool were open, and not separated from me by two flights of fairly easy carpeted stairs; one impossible, long, and terrifying flight of concrete stairs with the bannister on the wrong side; a five minute walk the last minute of which is up a hill; another flight of concrete stairs; and an entire pool full of slick, unfriendly tile.

I can feel myself going mad. I never had any interest in being such a close observer of my own descent into madness.

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Slow Descent Into Madness

2 thoughts on “Slow Descent Into Madness

  1. Keep your chin up – it must be SO frustrating when you are used to being active. I see that your Twitter says 8 days to go – are you returning to the US or moving somewhere here??

  2. Rachel Shadoan says:

    I am keeping my chin up–I decided that chewing my own leg off was probably not going to be as much fun as it sounded.

    I am returning to the US, for at least a year. (I have a MS in computer science that I have promised to complete… it seemed like a good idea at the time). Alicia and Aaron are staying in Europe, possibly even right here in Dundee, so I may be back before too long. There are rumblings of launching a business in Ireland.

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