Today my Food and Sustainability group unraveled a perfectly good idea, without having anything to replace it with. As a result, instead of spending tomorrow hunting down a podiatrist to fix my foot so I can start walking again, I am going to spend the entire day prototyping our ingredient cards and reassuring the group that we’re doing fine.
I am highly frustrated with everything I am doing right now. Ilya tells me, “Racheluska, it’s the pain of growth.” If this is growing, I would much rather be stubbornly stagnant. It feels more like Chinese water torture.
The problem is that I am not naturally diplomatic. I do not enjoy the sell. I do not like having to constantly analyze everyone’s motivations so that I can appropriately inspire them to get their work done. I feel that it shouldn’t be this complicated. I feel that I shouldn’t have to manipulate people just to get them to put forth their best effort. I didn’t come here to learn puppeteering. In fact, today, I’ve basically forgotten why I am here at all. I feel that I spend the majority of my time trying to manage the interactions within my teams, leaving little mental energy for the production of the end deliverables!
I miss American pragmatism. Today I talked my group through the same decision process about six times, and they are still unconvinced that we made the appropriate decision…even though this decision was made two weeks ago. Frustrated does not even begin to describe my feelings. I crave decisiveness. I crave quick comprehension. I desire to stop explaining things ad infinitum.
I miss scientists like I would miss breathing.
I am wearing a hat that my sister knit for me. It is multi-colored yarn, and has little ears. Yesterday I loaned Cora the hat that looks like an eggplant, also crafted by Shanna.
My brother’s 21 birthday party is tomorrow. I wish I were home for Thanksgiving instead of here.
But to end on an up note, here is a photo of an alpaca in a Honda Fit.
And here is a picture of a delightful goat. (It is the kind of goat I have promised to give my sister when she graduates from college).