Food and unraveling

Today my Food and Sustainability group unraveled a perfectly good idea, without having anything to replace it with. As a result, instead of spending tomorrow hunting down a podiatrist to fix my foot so I can start walking again, I am going to spend the entire day prototyping our ingredient cards and reassuring the group that we’re doing fine.

I am highly frustrated with everything I am doing right now. Ilya tells me, “Racheluska, it’s the pain of growth.” If this is growing, I would much rather be stubbornly stagnant. It feels more like Chinese water torture.

The problem is that I am not naturally diplomatic. I do not enjoy the sell. I do not like having to constantly analyze everyone’s motivations so that I can appropriately inspire them to get their work done. I feel that it shouldn’t be this complicated. I feel that I shouldn’t have to manipulate people just to get them to put forth their best effort. I didn’t come here to learn puppeteering. In fact, today, I’ve basically forgotten why I am here at all. I feel that I spend the majority of my time trying to manage the interactions within my teams, leaving little mental energy for the production of the end deliverables!

I miss American pragmatism. Today I talked my group through the same decision process about six times, and they are still unconvinced that we made the appropriate decision…even though this decision was made two weeks ago. Frustrated does not even begin to describe my feelings. I crave decisiveness. I crave quick comprehension. I desire to stop explaining things ad infinitum.

I miss scientists like I would miss breathing.

I am wearing a hat that my sister knit for me. It is multi-colored yarn, and has little ears. Yesterday I loaned Cora the hat that looks like an eggplant, also crafted by Shanna.

My brother’s 21 birthday party is tomorrow. I wish I were home for Thanksgiving instead of here.

But to end on an up note, here is a photo of an alpaca in a Honda Fit.

alpaca honda fit.jpg

And here is a picture of a delightful goat. (It is the kind of goat I have promised to give my sister when she graduates from college).

best goat ever.jpg

Food and unraveling

3 thoughts on “Food and unraveling

  1. rachelshadoan says:

    Not at all! Isn’t he so dapper and wonderful?

    According to my sister Shanna’s Turkish girlfriend, this goat is one of the few kinds of wildlife in Turkey. (Apparently in Istanbul they consider cats and dogs to be wildlife). Shanna dreams of walking the goat down the street and telling everyone it’s a dog, and then huffing off in offense when they question her assertion.

    (Shanna) and her girlfriend (Ceren) have a bit of a conflict as far as goats are concerned, really. Ceren is sort of muslim, and there’s a holiday that translates loosely as “Goat Cutting Day”, in which you buy a goat, kill it, and distribute all the meat to the hungry. My sister is a vegetarian goat lover. They didn’t celebrate it last year. Next year, I’m buying them an inflatable goat and they can give out canned beans.

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