The thock thock of the ping pong ball on the table in the Design Ethnography studio assaults my brain, pounding it into an angry, throbbing, painful place.
I am not feeling healthy today. I woke up feeling queasy and ill, after a night of not sleeping well. Breakfast sounded about as appealing as class, so I decided to run an eating experiment. I’d been thinking that eating before walking to class makes me feel really sick, so today I didn’t eat before walking. Instead, I packed a yogurt to scarf during class.
Experiment was a dreadful failure, spent the entire walk feeling like puking.
I’ve been feeling sick a lot lately. Now, my muscles are exhausted and floppy and weak.
I have fled the studio for the silence of the Queen Mother Building, and I feel much better about it. In 45 minutes I will be in a seminar with Jeffrey Ullman, a professor from Stanford who was advisor to the guys who launched google. I would be excited but instead I am exhausted. There is so much work to be done, and so much of it is team work that I don’t know how to deal with it. There feels like so little that I can be doing as an individual.
But being back in the CS building brings me comfort. There is an orange pinboard sitting next to me, covered in notes. A laminated sheet at the top reads “team PHAIL- We stand…for nothing.” That’s the kind of psuedo-anarchist nihlistic stuff that i am familiar with. That soothes me.
Ilya is driving me crazy. He talks so much. I want all of the talking to stop. I want everything to stop. This is the first full day of my third week in Dundee and I am still reeling, trying to catch all of the balls that are in the air.
I want to sleep forever. After the seminar, I think I will take a cab home.